God is a Comedian

Dear God,

You really are a card.  Remember that deal we made freshman year?  I was a slave to H&M and we decided after I got my degree I would not be like the people I worked with.  (OK maybe I decided that myself).  Anyways, remember them?  I'm sure you do seeing as you're God and all.  One of them had a degree in human resources and the other one was qualified to be a nurse.  I don't know why the HR guy worked there, but I know the one who was qualified to be a nurse didn't pursue a job nursing because she would have to take a drug test if she was a nurse, and that would interfere with a few of her lifestyle choices.

Via

But I made (mostly) good decisions.  I studied really hard.  I even went to summer school to load up on extra classes.  I did pretty well.  And everyone said I'd get a good job because I'm "smart."  I never thought I was smart.  You and me both know I'm just really good at memorizing things.  But if enough people tell you something, you start to believe it.

Via

So God,  I think you're having a laugh right now.  It must have been pretty funny to watch me blubber my way through my interview for a grown up job last week, pretending I'm an adult with my Sarah Palin hair and my Sarah Palin business suit, but none of her confidence - even though I prayed to you 72907123 times before I walked through that door.

Via

 And today, I go to drop a resume off at an Italian restaurant chain, at a job I barely want, and a guy wearing a TAZMANIAN DEVIL tie interviews me.  Look, I know he is one of your children and all, but seriously, a tazmanian devil tie?

Via

And I'm supposed to work FOR him?  Assuming I get the job, which I'm pretty confident I did.  That's great.  Thanks for helping me live up to my potential.

Love,
Kelly

ps.  I'm just kidding, God.  I do appreciate the potential source of income if I get the job.

31. Join a team

So there is one good thing about being f-unemployed.... plenty of free time!  I recently joined a rowing team.  For those of you who don't know me, I rowed for 3 years, 6 days a week during my awkward teen phase in high school.  My life basically revolved around rowing.

Evidence : 

I wish I had better photos, but they're all like actually pictures and in America, oh the days before digital!

We were pretty serious about the sport in high school, and I rowed with people who competed at a National level, I of course never made it past regionals because I'm not much of an athlete, but I do like being part of a team.  I had my first practice with the team here last night...

First Impressions/thoughts:

• People are nice, but take themselves a little too seriously
• The club is a little disorganized for my liking, but maybe this is a good thing because it won't matter if I miss practices.
• Speaking rowing is a foreign language and American rowing language doesn't translate to English rowing language which makes me look like an idiot.
• This team REALLY needs a coxswain, (short bossy person that steers the boat / yells at the rowers)
• Stereotypes are there for a reason, and most these girls fit the rowing stereotype.
• I keep thinking they're doing things wrong, but really they just do things differently, and I guess that doesn't make them wrong.
• Rowing is like riding a bike, getting back in the boat was a very familiar sensation.
• There are some muscles my back has forgotten it has.
• Rowing in the English countryside is much prettier and less smelly than rowing in the Licking / Ohio River, must take pictures soon to share with you.
• I'm not sure if I'm ready to have blistered and bloody hands again.  That is the worst part of this sport.
• Why did I ever stop wearing spandex?

I'm hoping I'll meet some nice people through this.  It's SO much cheaper than a gym membership and I could definitely use a little workout inspiration.  In high school I rowed so much I was like 20 pounds lighter.

Dear God,

Will I ever be high school skinny again?

I know that wouldn't make me totally happy, 

and I promise I won't wear skirts so short you can see my undies ever again.

You're right, that wasn't a good look for me,

but maybe I could be skinny and dress modestly now that I'm an adult?

I would certainly appreciate it.

Thanks for your consideration,

Kelly

Oh and friends, since join a team is number 31 on my bucket list, do you think I can cross it off?  How long do you think is an acceptable amount of time to be on a team before it really counts?

Thumbs Up for the Big Move

I've had a bit of bloggers block lately.  Mostly because we're pretty stressed with moving right now.  In fact, we're really stressed, and sometimes we wonder if this move is even worth it.  Now, perhaps I'm a product of my Catholic upbringing, but I think God does send us signs from time to time, and I think he just sent us one....

Conversation with Nick...
Nick- "Kelly, we really need to move out of this neighborhood."
Me - "Why?"
Nick - "A missing man's thumb was just found here."

Yes, if you don't believe me, here is the article.  A man has been missing for about a week, but his THUMB turned up in our neighborhood.  I wasn't a fan of being chased through the park while running, or the nasty little pervert that flashed me outside our house, or the story Nick told me of the man who ran into our street with his eyelids and mouth sewn shut - and I think this is definitely the last straw.  We'll be leaving now.

Dear God,

Point taken.

Love,

Kelly  

Dining Room Archeology

I kinda lied to you yesterday.  I haven't actually been snuggling my puppy all week.  I mean I have done a lot of that, but I've actually been doing tons of work on our dining room.  Since we decided to move I've really kicked it into gear. (And by "it" I mean my a**)

At the begining of the week I took the wallpaper down using this handy dandy wallpaper steamer.  Oh what a joy of a DIY task this was!  All I had to do was press it against the wall and the wall paper would just peel off ever so nicely.  The steam created a nice little sauna effect so it was almost like getting a facial AND getting work done at the same time!  But it did create little pools of tobacco colored water because until recently this room has endured about 50 years of chain smoking - kinda nasty.  But I loved stripping back the wallpaper and discovering what laid underneath, I thought to myself, "This must be what an archeologist feels like!"  If I would have known how simple it was I would have taken off the tar stained paper ages ago and maybe the house would've stopped smelling like old people and cigarettes!

Next I had to take the Styrofoam off the ceiling, but luckily there were no hidden chimneys like last time.  This DIY task sucks big time.  It made my shoulders sore and my knuckles raw.  Thank God there is no more Styrofoam left in the house now.

After playing room archeologist all week I unveiled a hideous pea-green ceiling, with yellow trimmed walls.  Nick's mum has been staying with us this week and she said the white painted bits used to be filled with wall paper.

Dear God,

Thank you for not making me live through this era of completely vile design.  

These color choices make me want to vomit a little.

That doesn't seem good for a dining room.

Cheers!

Kelly