Goodbye Bread

Dear Bread,

You are delicious.  I have loved you for a long time and in all varieties.  When I was in gradeschool I used to make PB and J sandwiches on Butternut, or sometimes mayo and banana pepper for a change of pace.  That's a little gross now that I think about it.  Or remember when my gradeschool BF and me wanted to open up a grilled cheese restaurant?  We tested a lot of bready cheesey sammies out in those days.

In high school I became addicted to paninis.  Is there anything more delicious than a warm and gooey panini? I don't think so.  You've always kept me company in restaurants, giving my hands something to do while I chatter away, dipping you in balsamic and olive oil.

On my trips to France I gained a whole new appreciation for you, and by gained I mean I gained 5 pounds.  But who could resist a fresh crusty french bread covered in smelly camenbert?  yum.

Yesterday I had lunch at an organic cafe, it's my favorite place to eat here.  I had coconut and butternut squash soup served with a slice of thick, fresh, yeasty multigrain.  It was the perfect accompaniment to my soup.  Hearty, but spongy and delicate at the same time.

However, 15 minutes after lunch I started to get a stomachache.  And by the time we were driving home from work I felt like someone was stabbing me in the gut.  It was pretty painful.  And I know it was your fault, bread.  I feel really upset about this, because I have enjoyed your company for so long, but it seems we're not good for each other anymore.  I am trying to say good bye but it hurts a little.  I'm not sure what's worse, the pain that eating gluten causes or trying to rid myself of the emotional attachment I have to you, and your various comforting friends, like pizza crust and pasta and baked goods.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this is going to be a tearful goodbye, but this doomed relationship needs to be over.

I'll miss you dearly, but I'm hoping getting rid of you will make me feel better and better.

Love,
Kelly

ps.  Friends if any of you are gluten free and have any tips or tricks for baking I would appreciate it!

Update

Dear Friends, and Family, and Random people who read this blog,


Some of you have been wondering where I've gone.  And I must tell you that I haven't gone anywhere.  The truth is I have been right here fighting an epic battle with the legendary BORE-asauraus rex.  A gigantic but stealthy creature that seems to engulf your life.  You know the type - making your job tedious, and then forcing you to sit on your ass watching at least two episodes of Niptuck with your husband every night (damn you dvd delivery companies) while you develop an ever growing secretary spread and when you look at your ass in the mirror you begin to wonder whether it was possible for you to confuse your colleague saying "I know" under his breath with calling you a "wide load".  No?  Is this just me?  


Anywhodiddle doodle, to pick up where we left off I was on the Crazy Sexy Diet and I can report to you on a few things now.  The author said to expect mood swings, what I didn't know was that on Wednesday I would be brought to tears by an old people's choir singing Ain't No Mountain High Enough.  And then on Thursday I would become a blubbering mess because I was too bored and proceed to scarf down a massive cupcake thinking that would cure me.  I am sure the fact that this coinciding with certain monthly cycles did not help one bit.  But such is life.  On the physical side of things, I have lost a little weight.  The best affect this diet has had on me though is I don't have cravings.  Yes you heard right, I don't actually want to eat junk food.  It just doesn't do it for me anymore.  knock on wood.


Sugar is gone, cheese is gone, eggs are gone, gluten is gone (and I have no more tummy aches.) Also maybe this is TMI but I hardly ever fart now.  I don't really know if I was an above average farter to begin with - I mean how many a day is average?  Well now it is significantly less which is really quite beneficial and I hardly ever have to pull a fart and run now. (less beneficial if you need amo for cupcaking younger siblings, but thats not such a problem these days.)  OK I'm sorry for acting like a 10 year old boy.  


So here are some of the new recipes I've been making up / learning since being on this diet.  


Samosa Stuffed Sweet Potatoes

And Mango, Mexican bean Quinoa

I feel like no one ever actually makes the recipes so I won't bother posting them unless people really want them.  Ask and ye shall receive.  But they were both inspired by Veganomicon.


hugs and kisses blog land.


-Kelly Leigh

Spring Cleaning Detox

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Ladies and gentlemen.
 (gentlemen this is going to be diet talk, don't let me bore you, go watch the news or something.)


I bet you are wondering how my detoxing went so I figured I'd give you a long rambling update.  


I started The Juice Master's  3 Day Juice Detox which he outlines in his book, Keeping It Simple, which came free when I bought a juicer (This one, which I LOVE) after reading Kris Carr's Crazy Sexy Diet.





I wanted to jump start my healthy eating program as outlined in the Crazy Sexy Diet with The Juice Master's 3 day detox, so I did that last week.  And let me tell you 3 days without food turned me into a cranky old monster. RARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!   BUT, Hallelujah! I did lose 5 pounds in 3 days!  Nick said this is not surprising considering there was NO food in my stomach.  Gah I hate it when he's right!  Unfortunately I don't think those 5 pounds are gone for good because I think I have already gained two of them back.  But whatever.  I'd like to tell you I reached "enLIGHTenment" like the juice master promised but that, my friends, would be a load of donkey kong.  Too bad, cuz I am usually searching for enlightenment.


So anyways yesterday Nick and I officially started The Crazy Sexy Diet (seriously the name is so embarrassing) Today I had to tell my boss I couldn't have the eclaire he was offering me because I'm on a Crazy Sexy Diet and then I winked at him.... (ok thats a lie I told him I was detoxing and considering he is a middle aged male he still thought this was funny and ridiculous)  Also Nick has told his colleagues that he is on the "Crazy Sexy Diet" which is also embarrassing for him.  Since he is a dude and all.  Good thing I taught him the phrase "no homo" which I learned from Chad Johnson's facebook followers.  So useful.  Thanks Chad for your contribution to society.  Too bad the use of the word homo is seriously offensive in England since they are very politically correct over here.  So if Nick really did say to his colleagues "I am on the Crazy Sexy Diet, no homo" he would probably get fired or at least scolded.  OK just wanted you to know I make up stories.  hope you see their comedic value.


So anyways the crazy sexy diet is no animal, no gluten, no dairy, no caffeine, no alcohol.  And LOTS of veggies!  And green juice (which is why I had to buy a juicer).  I'm also supposed to get exercise and meditate (whaaaaaaaaa?  yes it's a bit of new age hippy bologna) but I missed my bus to the gym this morning and went back to bed where my husband was spooning my dog, luckily they made a teensy bit of room for me.  sluts.  Yikes, ok I am ADD today, but I would just like to say that yesterday I had a bad headache and today I am sad.  For no reason.  Except I keep thinking I am homesick because summer is just around the corner and Britain pretty much has no summer, and I like my summers to be Wet, Hot, American and WILD.  And only the wet part is possible in Britain.  


Please let me know if you want to continue being updated on this Crazy Sexy business.  I have 19 more days...


Over and out.


Kelly Leigh