Homesickness is one of those things that gets better over time, but it will never go all the way away. There are little things that trigger it every now and then, and sometimes they just pimp smack you across the face. Like today, I was walking Heidi, and parked in a drive way was a black 4 runner. Why the hell would a black 4 runner make me emotional?
Well I guess the thing about homesickness is it is all related to memories. My first car was a black 4runner I bought for a mere $800 from my very generous aunt. It was admittedly a piece of shit. When you closed the doors big chunks of rust would fall off, and it would often smoke on the way to school in the morning, leaving my carpool with big head aches to start the day with. But the truth is, I loved this car. I named her Butch, because all my friends said it was a car a dyke would drive. But I didn't care. It was mine and it gave me my first real taste of freedom. I loved driving to school in the morning, and sitting in the parking lot having dance parties in the winter until the windows fogged up. I loved putting it into four wheel drive in the winter snow and feeling like a real bad ass driving by people with little cars that got stuck. I loved the way it smelled after I let some of my.... less studious friends borrow it to skip class and go get "bagels" in the morning. (I never skipped class. Goody two shoes here). I loved the way the trunk flipped out and we could lay in the back and take naps before rowing practice. And I really, REALLY loved the car rides home. I had the best carpool, and we would jam to our CD mixes, on an old battery powered boom box - this car was too ghetto for a CD player.
I guess what I'm saying is I don't miss the car at all. I miss those memories and the best way to confront homesickness head on is to realize all that stuff is in the past and I will never do those same things, with those same people on a daily basis ever again. Even if I was to return home, chances are few other people would be there with me. So here I am in London, creating new memories. Who knows - maybe one day I'll be homesick for London? Doubtful.
Until next time, I'll leave you with the carpool's two favorite jams. This is for you - MJ, Solimine and Gaffney.
I get the same kind of emotional homesickness whenever I see anyone out here in Colorado with a dog. It makes me want my Roscoe so bad, but he's at home with my parents. :( There's some British Literature work (for the life of me, I can't remember the name or author) about how memories relived in our heads are stronger than the actual moment, and thus we are more attached to the memory than the actual moment. Your post reminded me of the truth in that :)
ReplyDeleteHeather I think you hit the nail on the head! Memories are always better. I think we edit out all the bad stuff as well.
ReplyDeleteThanks for following jonesy!
oh, i have plenty of my own memories in Butch! I cracked up at this blog Kelly. I'll never forget the first week I had Butch, i was so proud as it was my first NEW car, and one of the first suv's u saw in Cincy. I drove to a Dr. friends house who, when he saw it , said: And you wonder why you're not married yet? That thing is a dyke mobile, everyone will think you're gay" and as Seinfeld said "Not that anythings wrong with that!" Well, I still found me a man in that car, I married that man and have been happy ever since....but no car will ever evoke the memories of Butch!
ReplyDeletei loved this post. thank you. I think it's a good thing to feel homesick every now and then. the past is so much a part of who we are today. love it.
ReplyDeleteKELLY-- this picture defines the good 'ole days! I miss you and I hope you know those were some of my best car rides EVER!
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