How to Speak with a British Accent

Last night Nick and I were watching some late night British talk show and they started showing clips from a woman named Tracey Goodwin.  I have to tell you, I was laughing so hard I was crying.  I have a feeling these won't have quite the same effect on you, but I figured they could help anyone who is planning a trip to England soon.

A Sad Day for Sheep

Yesterday while I was walking the Doodle I saw our local farmer, Phil, herding his sheep and lambs into a very small enclosure on the far side of the field.  I feared the worst....

Today confirmed my fears when the little babies were no where to be found.  Unless Phil has moved them to a secret hidden field somewhere I think it is pretty safe to assume that they are currently being butchered into little lamb shanks and rack of lamb and other lamb based carnivorous dishes.

Doodle and I are sad.  We've really enjoyed watching them run and play in the fields.  Each of them had their own little personality.  Some of them were brave and would come up to us to say hello, and others would run straight to their mums when they saw us coming.  I always told Heidi she couldn't play with them because what would eventually happen to them would only break her heart (and she sometimes eats lamb flavored food so that would be pretty effed, no?) but today I am the one feeling a little pit in my stomach.  I think I got attached.

While it's no secret that I'm a vegetarian, I don't usually get up on my soap box and preach to you about my lifestyle choice.  I, for one, do not appreciate it when carnivorous comedians think that dangling meat in front of my face is absolutely hilarious (you would seriously be surprised how often this happens and FYI it's NEVER funny), so I assume my omnivorous friends don't appreciate me sharing all the details of how that steak came to be on their plate.  But today I just have to say,  I don't get it.  How can you kill such adorable little lambs just to give yourself maybe 10 or 15 minutes of gratification at the dinner table?  If you have any convincing arguments I'd love to hear them.  But be warned I have been a vegetarian since the age of 9 and I have yet to hear anything in the slightest way convincing.

ps.  I hope we can still be friends even if you are a meat eater.

Getting the Doodle Spayed

I can't believe how big our little doodle is getting!  I am feeling a little conflicted today because I made her an appointment to get spayed next Friday.  I KNOW that getting your dog spayed is the right thing to do.  I have volunteered in dog shelters and have seen the number of dogs that are given up for the most ridiculous reasons.

Some of my favorites....

The dog doesn't match my furniture (are you serious?!?)


Our new apartment won't allow dogs (go find one that does!)


The 3 year old husky I got from the pound last week has just grown so much I can't keep him (um sorry but your husky didn't grow)


This puppy is aggressive.  (aka it play bites like ALL puppies do)


The dog pees in the house.  (duh you have to train it not to!)  

I would never want to contribute to the unwanted dog population.  But I have to admit, a part of my animal lover self would love to see Heidi become a mommy and have little german shorthaired pointer puppies running all over the house.  Sometimes I feel conflicted between what I think is morally right, and what I think would be fun!  If I was going to be 100% honest, breeding puppies seems like a dream job - doesn't it? But its really a job for professionals, not people who just buy two purebred dogs and let them do it like they do on the discovery channel.  

photo of Heidi and her siblings from her breeder.

Ah but who can resist a cute little puppy?  I'm sure it's really a lot more hassle than its worth.  I know puppies wake up all night and pee in the house and with 7 or 8 of them that would be a lot of puppy pee!  But she is a purebred and she could produce a lot of puppy cashola to be fair!  Oh well!  Her appointment is next Friday so wish her luck!  And I have started talking to her new vet about doing some kind of internship there.  So wish me luck that that all goes through please!  It's about time someone threw me a bone here! (pun intended - ha I kill myself).  

Hey, Hey, Hey...

Hey random a-hole from Brazil that hacked into my gmail account and screwed up my blog,

 I don't like you one bit.  

But I'm glad you haven't accessed anything more important.

Hey GRE vocab words,

Why are you so obscure? No one uses you in real life.

But I got flashcards with you on them, 

and I'm going to have you all memorized very soon.

Hey Heat Radio,

You're my favorite radio station in England. 

Please keep playing such awesome jams.

Hey English bus drivers,

Why can't you ever understand me?  I'm speaking English.

Hey Husband,

I'm sorry I complain so much about not having a car.  

Your joke about me donating my legs to someone who would actually use them wasn't that hilarious, 

but I get your point.

Hey Girls My Age in Sheffield,

Why must you all dye your hair unnatural colors and pop out so many babies?

No offense to your babies, but they don't seem like much fun at our age.

Hey Cups of Tea and Biscuits,

Our relationship has got to end.  

I've become addicted to you since living in England, 

and you're making me fat.

Hey Blogging Friends,

Thanks for reading the crap that I write. 

Sorry if I haven't been leaving comments on your lovely blogs lately.

Our internet isn't working well at all.

Until next time...

Cheers!

31. Join a team

So there is one good thing about being f-unemployed.... plenty of free time!  I recently joined a rowing team.  For those of you who don't know me, I rowed for 3 years, 6 days a week during my awkward teen phase in high school.  My life basically revolved around rowing.

Evidence : 

I wish I had better photos, but they're all like actually pictures and in America, oh the days before digital!

We were pretty serious about the sport in high school, and I rowed with people who competed at a National level, I of course never made it past regionals because I'm not much of an athlete, but I do like being part of a team.  I had my first practice with the team here last night...

First Impressions/thoughts:

• People are nice, but take themselves a little too seriously
• The club is a little disorganized for my liking, but maybe this is a good thing because it won't matter if I miss practices.
• Speaking rowing is a foreign language and American rowing language doesn't translate to English rowing language which makes me look like an idiot.
• This team REALLY needs a coxswain, (short bossy person that steers the boat / yells at the rowers)
• Stereotypes are there for a reason, and most these girls fit the rowing stereotype.
• I keep thinking they're doing things wrong, but really they just do things differently, and I guess that doesn't make them wrong.
• Rowing is like riding a bike, getting back in the boat was a very familiar sensation.
• There are some muscles my back has forgotten it has.
• Rowing in the English countryside is much prettier and less smelly than rowing in the Licking / Ohio River, must take pictures soon to share with you.
• I'm not sure if I'm ready to have blistered and bloody hands again.  That is the worst part of this sport.
• Why did I ever stop wearing spandex?

I'm hoping I'll meet some nice people through this.  It's SO much cheaper than a gym membership and I could definitely use a little workout inspiration.  In high school I rowed so much I was like 20 pounds lighter.

Dear God,

Will I ever be high school skinny again?

I know that wouldn't make me totally happy, 

and I promise I won't wear skirts so short you can see my undies ever again.

You're right, that wasn't a good look for me,

but maybe I could be skinny and dress modestly now that I'm an adult?

I would certainly appreciate it.

Thanks for your consideration,

Kelly

Oh and friends, since join a team is number 31 on my bucket list, do you think I can cross it off?  How long do you think is an acceptable amount of time to be on a team before it really counts?